Sunday Bloody Sunday

All day I have been in pain with such an intense case of sinusitis that I had to go to bed and forsake any plans to do any photographic work what so ever! Its only now at 7:00 Sunday night that I am beginning to feel a little better.I have opened an account with blip.tv so I can upload videos with them,rather than using youtube which I regard as a DIRTY SITE,I hate reading comments about gay vbloggers because invariable there are numerous gay hate remarks which I find really disturbing, I received one such comment from a young girl because I had left a remark on Prez Hiltons site and she found this to be the jolt she needed to comment me and called me a STUPID FAGGOT..U NEED TO STOP LIKEIN MAN U FUC SHOT..U LIKE PEREZ HILTON I KNO THATS UR ROLE MODEL U SISSY FREAK...UR NOT WELCOM HERE...look at the typing mistakes shes such an illiterate freak and to be propelled to write such hatred, she really needs to seek help!
Today was a right off and in the aftermath I am left feeling un- productive and drained,Sundays are usually my best day to work and focus mentally on the things that need doing!..Oh well....

Male Abandonment

well...I have been thinking strangely enough about why I do not have the ability to desire relationships that are longer than the time that it takes to pull up my pants! and only really have "drive by shags"!. This I put down to possibly two events that have occurred in my life, the first my fathers death which happened 10 years ago from cancer which left me traumatised and literally made me realise that I had to grow up and finally be a man!. The loss of my father could have resulted in a psychological reaction which in some way on a sub-conscious level made me in a way think that all men are going to leave me sooner or later, so it would be better for me to take control and not go through all the heartache and just engage in fleeting physical contacts with men!.
The second possible theory is that my only long relationship that I had which lasted two years and ended ten years ago when my boyfriend was incarcerated because of his drug manufacturing habits!..it was a blessing for me because it gave me thinking time and a new perspective on the relationship!

In retrospect I do not know what I found sexually attractive about this guy and now feel that in some way I was suffering from a lack of judgement and a blindness to the truth, the guy was hopeless in bed ,he only liked vanilla sex,made me feel like a whore, never took me out to dinner , and also had another boyfriend who also shared our bed!!!

I'm not bitter because at the Manchester Gay Pride in the Hollywood Showbar he walked in with this current boyfriend looking extremely fat and acting un-characteristically camp and his face resembled a baboons arsehole!!
So really the two events could combine to produce what I am today..sad really that I am
left feeling emotionally isolated and with emotional scaring!.

I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!

RIGHT OK!!!! I am now so pissed off that I could literally smash my lap top up and think nothing of it!! WHY!..you ask ,well now to add to my ever increasing anxiety's I can no longer use youtube!!!! they keep asking me to install the flash player and of course I try to install it but it has stopped working with firefox,but it seems to work in internet explorer ok which I dont use !! I have tried for two days and I am nearing the brink of insanity and will probably explode over the weekend! IF anyone who reads this is a magician PLEASE comment with suggestions and I will gratefully give unlimited pleasure to for a WHOLE WEEK if you can successful solve the problem for me!!....or you can simply leave me a comment of love to cheer me up! XOXO

Dirty Fukker

well..spent the day doing photoshop and chatting to online friends,so the day was ok...thought that I would talk about one of my friends who I met on myspace.He owns the underwear company Dirty Fukker and after reading my blog about the disaster with Ginch Gonch he sent me a message saying that he will send me a free pair of his..well not his personal pair...mmmm...would be nice though..but brand new ones...how nice is that!!!.

So today I have chatted with him about personal matters which were troubling me and because of his advice I am cheered up and more focussed!!He's a totally wonderful and caring person and glad to have him as a friend...you dont find many good and warm hearted people in this world...I can tell you. so to you J..I thank you. xx
http://www.dirtyfukkerunderwear.com/

Matteo Trisolini

Right I have been thinking ..and thats an amazing thing in itself!..I am going to use this blog space to post my thoughts and ideas in a more private way! ..if thats possible?. I use myspace to post the same blog as here but because I have thoughts about people who are familiar with myspace I start to self-censorship!.Ending up with a contain blog where some things are not said and I am left feeling that I have limited myself!
I admire the way certain people like Matteo Trisolini produce their blogs, they have a familiar and personal signature (I know that is the point of a blog) but the way he writes with character is amazing and to be admired ,just like his wonderful photography and his spirit and strength and his love for the people around him!

Its a funny old world!!

Well its a funny old world that I inhabit....and its annoying me just a little bit...you decide if my feelings are founded or not!?.
WHY..and im not talking in particular about gay people but people in general in the Chester area who consistently persist to be hostile towards me when in my opinion I have done little to warrant this behaviour...
Lets take a closer look at the situation and maybe this will shine a light on my dilemma!...well the main perpetrators are amazingly the queer quarter of Chester who have for as long as I can remember have regarded me with suspicion and contempt, this is a inconceivable attitude and in my honest opinion nothing more than small minded internalised homophobia!!Small little pocket of areas of people who feel threatened by anything beyond their narrow understanding of anything!...take a look in your mirrors idiots you fall into the stereotype!

The other equally mind boggling group of people who feel threatened by me..yes I now know that to be the correct word to use because there is no other reason why any female should hate a gay person other than because of territorial issues, I know this to be true because generally women love me as a person and have no issue at all,its the few who grind their smoke stained teeth at me and glare with a look that says " back off you homo he's not for the conversion!", huh??....if i wanted your version of a straight man bitch you would have NO SAY!..

Which brings me nicely to the final group of people who surprisingly enough are usually the most receptive and intelligent of all!...STRAIGHT MEN!..yes that's correct .....
the good old heterosexual males are without a doubt more forward thinking of all!!!

I can usually count on them to boost my wound ego or lift my spirits and hand on heart give me the most amazing sexual stimulation in the world!! I do feel sorry for them when I see them with their girlfriend and looking my way with their puppy dog eyes asking telepathically to give them unimaginable sexual pleasure!!...or is that all in my imagination?...I HOPE NOT!?.

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Now playing: David Guetta, Chris Willis, Joachim Garraud & The Egg - Pop Life Mix (Continuous Mix)
via FoxyTunes

A LIFESTYLE CONCEPT

While flicking through pages of fashion magazines my eyes focused on an advert for a face cream proclaiming the usual wondrous magical properties which will change your life!To be truthful I never really believe any hype that is attached to any product or brand..well not until I have personally tested them myself!.
Do people believe these images of visually perfect men or women to be real?.. or maybe they understand that its all part of a add campaign designed to sell the product!..I have used Clinique for years and have been very satisfied with the entire range and its only recently that I began to think that maybe another product could banish away some of the years!,my skin is very healthy looking but I wanted an injection of something EXTRA!
Biotherm Man was always my fantasy boyfriend so naturally its his bed that I climbed into,well you dont know till you try do you?...after the initial purchase from selfridges and a few weeks later I can honestly say that I am extremely impressed with the products of Biotherm, which do live up to all the claims about skin improvement and regeneration of cells!.
I am no fool I did previously research them over the internet and read all the glowing consumer reviews...you would like to think that the consumer has actually written the review but the little cynical voice in my head says maybe,an insider from Biotherm has offered up their knowledge of the product instead!..never mind a change is good as a rest and whats £22.00 between wrinkles!

MANCHESTER GAY PARADE

The weekend was by far the most productive work wise that I have had in a long time!.. Saturday I travelled to Manchester to watch the gay parade through the city centre...the sun tried to make an appearance bless her!!.. and the parade was very good..the essential float was throbbing away filled with lick-able lovelies teasing the un-suspecting public with their death deifying crotches and laser white smiles!.I was suffering from "one of my heads",but even that could not dampen my enjoyment at this spectacle !.there were even young children with whistles frantically blowing away ignorant regarding the whole ethos of the event! .
I also gained some attention from several likely lads in the crowd who were very willing to give me some personal whistle blowing if I needed some!...again health matters prevented me from taking up their kind offers!..
Sunday I awoke very early so as to undercoat two front road windows, one up one down.. the reason that I got up before the dew was chased off the grass(yeah ok dream on) was to prevent my work from being inspected by the big eyed neighbours from across the road, this can be upsetting when you hate heights at the best of times, but when you are trying to execute at straight line at one hundred feet on a ropey ladder in a one hundred mile a hour gale with nosey neighbour watching in the shadows , well its a hindrance really!
Then I preceded to lay a wonderful new carpet in my bedroom, a task I have never done in my life, so I approached it with some trepidation , I need not have worried because the event went ok, the worse part was emptying out the room and then putting everything back in place!…and wow was I done in!!
Monday again up early and set about to gloss the windows, which finished the job and the rest of the day I spent editing the short video that I took of the parade….a relatively relaxing day to end a very busy bank holiday weekend!.

Sorry for all the rain in the uk,its all my fault!

What with the weather totally destroying my energy and my will to live,( none uk people WE ARE DROWNING IN A SEA OF HORRIBLE WATER)I didn't think that it could get any worse!..but yes it has ..a friend pointed out an article in the paper with the headline "FLOODS ARE GAYS FAULT!" the Bishop of Carlisle, Rt Rev Graham Dow blames new gay rights law for the current waterfall climate, and that we are reaping the consequences of our moral degradation! I sense he shares the godhatefags idiots view about homosexuality!
Do these fools not realise that their views are not shared by the gay enlightened masses who will only laugh at such a ridiculous claim! Its like godhatesfags idiots who defile the memories of the soldiers that are killed in Iraq by shouting at their funerals just because they do not share the same view as the USA who believe that gay people should also have the right to live a life of love just like straight people do!
These so called followers of god in my view are evil and ignorant about love and life in general and need to really understand Christianity and the way god really wants it to be presented and preached, in all honesty do these fools really think that god really would hate fags! NO!..OF COURSE NOT! UNDERSTAND THY MAN!
Get a life and an education you idiots its raining in the uk because its summer!! ;-(

Its all over

I'M SOOO HAPPY!!!!!....why I hear you ask?, the light at the end of the tunnel of trash is approaching fast and within three weeks my visual and aural torture will be thankfully ended! The cheap, nasty ,intellectually challenged sorry to say related neighbours ,from The Jeremy Kyle Show ( that's low life on Jerry Springer if your none uk) are finally after FIVE LONG YEARS leaving my visual range and moving away to a land of microwave meals and white Stilleto Shoes!!!. I can't really take it all in, I feel like I've been washed in bleach and all the dirty filth of the last years have been washed off me!!
I bet some of you are thinking that i'm just dramatising and being over sensitive and maybe embellishing the tale, well no!, it was all the loudness of their lives ,the grand gestures of back street life being played out on a main road for all the world to see!!!, listen..one nighttime one of the daughters went screaming in a pair of knickers and nightie up the road drunkenly stumbling around and crying, flab flapping everywhere and she didn't really care who saw her and the next day appeared as if nothing had happened !! that's not right is it!?
Yes I'm glad its finally coming to an end....my only regret is all the raw material that they provided me with, which stimulate me to write blogs and create videos for youtube will not gone! ..never mind with my track record for attracting situations it will only be a matter of time before I will be ranting away again.....Stay tuned! ;-)