Im not a heartless bitch!

OK... quick update.

Washing machine dies ****URGH!****HOOVER blows up ****BANG**** then broadband crashes ****CRASH!**** and the neighbours stole my portable washing unit****BOTTOM FEEDERS****

[------------------------------------>LIFE SUCKS!<-------------------------------------]

At least for a moment but then the realisation that I do not live in any of the recent affected areas devastated by extreme freak weather conditions brings back to me the actual reality of my situation and I am thankful for all the little things in life and that I should not over emphasise materialistic objects!

hOMoLickEr ©

Myspace friend needs medical help

The bank holiday started with me receiving an email from a myspace "friend" who I had been chatting with for maybe about a year and everything was fine up until about a month ago when I began to feel that I was only being use for tips on how to photoshop!. The email that I received was a reply from one that I had sent the previous day where I had said in a joking and playful way that maybe one day he would be as good as me in photoshop!

It was never meant to be taken seriously but because the person has addiction issues and he claims is bi-polar he completely took what I had said literally . He called me arrogant and self centered which is a joke considering all the advice i had given him.... I replied that seven years of art training at university I should be a little more accomplished than someone who at the time was a homeless alcoholic.

He now thinks he's David Lechappelle because he has been snapping away for a year, this is what really pissed off because I had to apply myself at art school because at the time my father was being treated for cancer and the pressure of final show was tremendous, I feel that art saved my life and gave me a direction and I really put my heart and soul into the Degree course and to have someone who I have never met consider himself qualified to be on the same level as me artistically.

He is still extremely psychologically unstable individual and needs to think about where he is going in life because at the moment he is in a cul de sac with no where to go! I regret wasting my time and exposing my emotions with him but as with all things in life you learn from your mistakes, or at least you should.

ALERT!...PSYCHOPATH!.

Some people should NOT be let out in public or have access to the internet, why?.... well this guy on flickr started to comment on my images and from the start it was excessive and too intense to be from someone mentally stable!. His comments were rarely coherent and verged on ramblings from a mad man.

He proclaimed me to be a GENIUS , a new light in art and a tour de force, all true all sure... lol... but from someone who has never met me and his only understanding of me is from quick views of my work on flickr! .. well it left me feeling angry!. He had also spent SIX HOURS writing a testimonial for me which never connected to me or my work at all and seemed to be a vessel for his fantasy vomit!

After I rejected the testimonial he proceeded to delete all the comments that he had made regarding my work and then he went as far as to delete himself from my friends list!! He said he appreciates art but how can he when he doesn't understand himself...**** ART EQUALS LIFE**** .........

I tire of people like that who wear their neurosis with pride, we all have to deal with issues in life ,thats all part of life, but if your not going to learn from them and move on then ... then you are truly LOST!. and DOOMED to REPEAT!.

CHANNEL NEUROSIS INTO GREAT ART!!.

hOMoLickEr

Easter Virus.

Being easter I thought that I would have plenty of time to do photoshop work but little did I know that I would be caught in the grip of a virus that would debilitate me and prevent me from doing anything creative and productive! So its been THREE DAYS and I haven't been able to focus on anything other than my self pity, literally forced to my bed at times because of fatigue and fever!

Today is the first day of the Easter break that I have felt better and energized and with a will to create and visualise. I ventured outside this morning and looked at the first flowers of spring which had bravely pushed through the hard frosty surface and looked towards the dull gray sky. They are the sign and trumpet call of things to come and cheer the soul during this un-certain month.

The hateful male species!

I started this night feeling really good and happy and looking forward to doing some serious Photoshop work. That all changed when I logged in to youtube and watched gaygods video about a US solider who had thrown a little puppy over a cliff!!!... my heart sank and I google searched to check for more details and to my disbelief everything gaygod had said was true!.

The video was on youtube but has now been remove but can still be seen because someone has copied it and re-posted it!!. this all comes after a 25 year old mother was spiked with a drug and then raped by a group of lads who filmed it all with a mobile phone and then soon after uploaded it to youtube! . IT WAS VIEWED 600 TIMES!!!.

Youtube are constantly being criticized by gay people because of the homophobic abuse they receive, I also was a victim of homophobic comments, but youtube DO NOTHING!. They seem to think that they should take NO RESPONSIBILITY for what is uploaded to the site," just let anyone upload anything they like".."hey lets kill a stranger and film it for youtube it will be a big hit and generate mass views" well ... thats all that matters isn't it!!!!

I am left feeling so sad and depressed with the world and all the freaks that inhabit it and here's an observation, who are the perpetrators of the first two incidents ,yeah thats right HETEROSEXUAL MEN in BOTH cases!!! Most of the hurt and pain in the world is caused by the heterosexual man with their stupid grunting behaviour!

I think that most of the female and gay population will agree with me there!!!!!!!.

My sister Belinda

Today would have been my sister's 50th birthday if she would have lived, she died at the age of five because she had a hole in the heart!.The doctors said she was born 10 years too soon,and because of advances in surgical techniques (the procedure is now done routinely with key hole surgery) she most likely would be alive now!.

I would have loved to have had the chance to have got to know her and I do feel a connection to her and always wish that I could talk to her and form a bond!. I went with my mum today to the church yard to lay flowers on the grave where she is at rest with my father. Life changes so fast so try to live life to the full and take time to really appreciate it while you can!.
Belinda you will forever be in my heart! XX

My corrupted gay gene!!

I have known this about myself for sometime now and its something that I am ashamed and embarrassed about because rules and genetics state that every gay man has the knowledge and expertise required to use his in-built cruising mode!. The fact is I have somehow been given a corrupt copy and every time I try to use it a flashing warning sign states, “please install the correct program and try again!".

Flirting I have a degree in, whether my victim is male or female or transgendered , I flirt on 100% power !!. I do love to flirt and I know that in certain situations you can gain a lot from it, whether it is sex, free moisturizer , upgrades on software,coffee,herpes,anal tearing or whatever you can think of!?.

Today I saw a good looking blond guy walking past me and our eyes meet briefly and I knew what I should have done because I had read somewhere that you should wait three seconds and then turn back to see if they are looking back at you, did i do it?... hell no!!,I wanted too but it all seemed a little bit” porn scene” for me! And there lies my real problem, I am so up tight and hell bent on maintaining an aloof appearance that such behaviour is beneath me!

Actually this has only just occurred to me, I have no problem with cruise control in other areas of the country, only in the town of Chester are my abilities to cruise somehow hindered, ......maybe by a force field of purity!!...... or am I simply talking bollocks again!!

Any advice would be extremely welcome so feel free to comment and help a wounded and sensitive homosexual! X

Racist and ignorant!

To say that I am annoyed would be an understatement after todays events, the reason why I am so upset is because an acquaintance of mine shocked me with this statement “ I am NOT RACIST but I DO NOT believe that black and white people should sleep together and have children!” ???. I said to him that YES you are racist and also ignorant!, he said that its his opinion and he has the right to his opinion , I replied that his opinion was wrong and he should not voice his views because he was upsetting me and making himself into an idiot! He also couldn’t understand my reaction!!
What a total freak of nature he is, to think that people actually believe that they have the right to voice their half-witted rants and not get challenged over it! It sickens me and disgusts me in a way that brings out the killer in me! Im sorry but people like him should be wiped of the face of the earth!
This is not what I need to be exposed to and his vile comments should stay in his stupid little brain and I feel that with this hatred for a minority group he should be eligible for the gas chamber!

The winter is murder on my fashion sense!

I hate the rain more so than any other weather condition because it makes me feel oppressed and depressed all at the same time, its only in the last five years that excessive rain fall has become a problem in the UK,and I know we need rain for environmental reasons but other than that it causes more problems than it solves!.


Not only is it destroying property and causing heartache and possible death but the effect on the fashion conscious is catastrophic and I know that fashion is created specifically for the winter months but its all about covering up!, yes a blessing for the over weight and ugly crowd but what about the beautiful healthy sexy fashionistas who want to be proud and show off their hard worked for bodies, the winter period is nothing less than exile from admiration and adulation!!

No one has the time to admire anyones fashion sense when its pouring down with rain ,its all a case of running to the next starbucks. Life is really hard in the winter months when you have to grit your teeth and hope for gods help and guidance to lead you into the light and warmth of spring when you can discard those drab ugly garments and emerge wearing those fabulous traffic stopping, “I’m full of life and up for hot sex” clothes that you know, make you who you are and what you stand for ….and in the end what is better in life than that!?.

My to do list!

After three days of shopping before Christmas and all day cooking on Christmas day ,boxing day was spent relaxing and having some personal time!. Today I am going to decide which areas of my life need changing and if any areas could be built upon, (Formally known as New Years resolutions).

I need to upgrade my exercise routine, I generally do some at least half an hour for three days a week, but maybe I need to focus on specific areas of my body?. Also I need to cut down or stop drinking and then look at my eating plan and alter my diet, hopefully this will knock a few years off my skin and "bring healthy back!!".

My other resolution will have to be to devour as many men as possible, I have an intense addiction to the male species and literally get an tense erection just thinking about them!. This I find strange considering that in my youth I had a fairly restricted sex life!, now that I am older I have tastes that are borderline animalistic, and I have constant fantasies about group sex!

Time will tell if I check off any of these "to do tasks!"

It could not be any worse.

Our freezer has stopped working and with Christmas nearly on top of us and all the previous days supplies on the verge of being destroyed things couldn't possibly get any worse.... OR COULD THEY!?. I am beginning to think I am cursed by a demon for all my sins during the last year. But thinking on those lines what about Amy Winehouse and her
behaviour over the last year, surely her x-mas is doomed and her freezer MUST DIE ALSO!!??. Oh yeah ..... now I remember she is suffering!!.

Last days of christmas shopping!

Today I had to go Christmas food shopping and it really was a nightmare navigating through all the bodies and heaving trolleys!!. At one point my own trolley accidentally collided with someones ankle and he spun around and said "its alright I have two legs!???", Good god, it was an accident and he's lucky that I was in a placid mood because if my mood was major bitch mode I would have bitten his balls off!!.

Everything afterwards went to plan and all the goods are now in the our store for the coming nuclear blast! (Christmas period) . My appointment at the dentist went relatively ok, I only need one filling and he said my gums are excellent!. Must be all that cock sucking!!.

Planning to do quite a bit of work on my macbook and hopefully I will post a youtube video and some of my new photographic work ,which fingers crossed will be just as popular as the previous work that I did!?.

Life

I just wanted to use this blog to visualise what I am thinking at the moment, to try and understand my thoughts. It seems that just recently ..well since my father died from cancer that the disease has gradually invaded my family with a passion and relentlessly changed the volume and its order!. The last 18 months my uncle has died from stomach cancer a distant cousin also has died from a brain tumour, his wife simultaneously contracted breast cancer and at the present is undergoing chemotherapy and radiotherapy!…and now my auntie who at the age of 86 is worried that she may also have stomach cancer!. well is it no wonder I refuse to create a pension scheme for myself when the odds are really staked against me living over the age of 65! You would think that I'm a miserable sod!. No!. or a Hypochondriac and eternally pessimistic!.. Not in a million years I live life the way I want to and at every opportunity I use the time to create art and explore and learn everything that I can! I'm none judgemental and as easy going as I can be in this world! I am not a push over or easily fool by people! But I greatly love people who have creativity and positive energy and experience life to the full, after all we only have one life!